By Inspirational Columnist and Author: Linda Mose Meadows


However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"--
1 Corinthians 2:9

Thursday, February 19, 2009

12 WAYS TO MEND A BROKEN HEART

Sun and Sky



Be joyful always;

pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


This is in praise of Beliefnet!! They are an amazing website. You may wish to consider including them as one of your favorite websites. Beliefnet earnestly, comfortably and sensitively deals with the complexity of spiritual, heart and soul issues. Their writers are bold, bright and insightful, in my estimation producing thought provoking material. Some information you may wish to challenge, other information may provide new intellectual and spiritual vistas which ironically you predict were electronically sent at the precise time. God’s handy work is evident. Often I’ve needed a spiritual lift and there it was in my email’s in box-a prayer, a motivational word, a scripture, a new perspective, a humorous story or a beneficial article! All of it made sense out of a personal predicament or a celebratory moment. Why it must be one of God's daily offerings, meant for our enlightenment!


Well my friend, here’s some food for thought regarding those of us that walk through, breathe through and have lived through experiences that have broken our hearts. I pray you’re a better person as a result of the overall muscle that you’ve built up in this endurance race of making it through the tough stuff of brokeneness! I pray that your spirit is more resilient because of God’s sweet grace. Here’s some additional heart and soul food that Beliefnet has cooked up- enjoy!



12 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart
Tuesday January 6, 2009



Categories: Relationships


Bess Myerson once wrote that "to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall
out of love is simply awful," especially if you are the one who wanted the
relationship to last. But to stop loving isn't an option. Author Henri Nouwen
writes, "When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart
will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain
that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful." But how do we get beyond the pain? Here are 12 techniques I've gathered from experts and from
conversations with friends on how they patched up their heart and tried, ever so
gradually, to move on.


1. Go through it, not around it.
I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here's a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. During the 18 months of my severe depression, my therapist repeated almost every visit: "Go through it. Not around it." Because if I went around some of the
issues that were tearing me apart inside, then I would bump into them somewhere
down the line, just like being caught in the center of a traffic circle. By
going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced as a stronger person ready
to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over
me.


2. Stand on your own.
One of the most liberating thoughts I repeat to myself when I'm immersed in grief and sadness is this: I don't need anyone or anything to make me happy. That job is all my own, with a little help from God. When I'm experiencing the intense pangs of grief, it is so difficult to trust that I can be whole without that person in my life. But I have learned over and over again that I can. I really can. It is my job to fill the
emptiness, and I can do it ... creatively, and with the help of my higher
power.


3. Detach.
Attempting to fill the void yourself--without rushing
to a new relationship or trying desperately to win your lover back--is
essentially what detaching is all about. The Buddha taught that attachment that
leads to suffering. So the most direct path to happiness and peace is
detachment. In his book,
"Eastern Wisdom for Western Minds," Victor M. Parachin tells a wonderful story about an old gardener who sought advice from a monk. Writes Parachin: "Great Monk, let me ask you: How can I attain liberation?" The
Great Monk replied: "Who tied you up?" This old gardener answered: "Nobody tied me up." The Great Monk said: "Then why do you seek liberation?"


4. List your strengths.
As I wrote in my
"12 Ways to Keep Going" post, a technique that helps me when I feel raw and defeated to try anymore is to list my strengths. I say to myself, "Self, you have been sober for 20 years!! Weaklings can't pull off that! And here you are,
alive, after those 18 months of intense suicidal thoughts. Plus you haven't
smoked a cigarette since that funeral back in December of last year!" I say all
of that while listening to the "Rocky" soundtrack, and by the last line, I'm
ready to tackle my next challenge: move on from this sadness and try to be a
productive individual in this world. If you can't list your strengths,
start
a self-esteem file. Click here to learn how you build one.


5. Allow some fantasizing.
Grief wouldn't be the natural process that it should be without some yearning for the person you just lost.
Dr. Christine Whelan, who writes the "Pure Sex, Pure Column" on BustedHalo.com, explains the logic of allowing a bit of fantasy. She writes: If you are trying to banish a sexual fantasy from your head, telling yourself "I'm not going to fantasize about her" or "I won't think about what it would be like to be intimate with him" might make it worse: In a famous psychological study from the 1980s, a group of subjects were told to think about anything but whatever they did, they were not supposed to think about a white bear. Guess what they all thought about?

6. Help someone else.
When I'm in pain, the only guaranteed antidote to my suffering is to box up all of my feelings, sort them, and then try to find a use for them. That's why writing
Beyond Blue contributes a big chunk to my recovery, why moderating Group Beyond Blue has me excited to wake up every day. When you turn your
attention to another person--especially someone who is struggling with the same
kind of pain--you forget about yourself for a split moment. And let's face it,
that, on some days, feels like a miracle.


7. Laugh. And cry.
Laughter heals on many levels as I explain in my
"9 Ways Humor Heals" post, and so does crying. You think it's just a coincidence that you always feel better after a good cry? Nope, there are many physiological reasons that contribute to the healing power of tears. Some of them have been documented by biochemist William Frey who has spent 15 years as head of a research team studying tears. Among their findings is that emotional tears (as compared to tears of irritation, like when you cut an onion) contain toxic biochemical byproducts, so that weeping removes these toxic substances and relieves emotional stress. So go grab a box of Kleenex and cry your afternoon away.

8. Make a good and bad list.
You need to know which activities will make you feel good, and which ones will make you want to toilet paper your ex-lover's home (or apartment). You won't really know which activity belongs on which list until you start trying things, but I suspect that things like checking out his wall on
Facebook and seeing that he has
just posted a photo of his gorgeous new girlfriend is not going to make you feel
good, so put that on the "don't attempt" list, along with e-mails and phone
calls to his buddies fishing for information about him. On the "feels peachy"
list might be found such ventures as: deleting all of his e-mails and
voicemails, pawning off the jewelry he gave you (using the cash for a
much-needed massage?), laughing over coffee with a new friend who doesn't know
him from Adam (to ensure his name won't come up).


9. Work it out.
Working out your grief quite literally--by running, swimming, walking, or kick-boxing--is going to give you immediate relief. On a physiological level--because exercise increases the activity of serotonin and/or norepinehrine and stimulates brain chemicals that foster growth of nerve cells--but also on an emotional level, because you are taking charge and becoming the master of your mind and body. Plus you can visualize the fellow who is responsible for your pain and you can kick him in the face. Now doesn't that feel good?


10. Create a new world.
This is especially important if your world has collided with his, meaning that mutual friends who have seen him in the last week feel the need to tell you about it. Create your own safe world--full of new friends who wouldn't recognize him in a crowd and don't know how to spell his name--where he is not allowed to drop by for a figurative or literal surprise visit. Take this opportunity to try something new--scuba diving lessons, an art class, a book club, a blog--so to program your mind and body to expect a fresh beginning ... without him.

11. Find hope.
There's a powerful quote in the movie
"The Tale of Despereaux" that I've been thinking about ever since I heard it: There is one emotion that is stronger than fear, and that is forgiveness." I suppose that's why, at my father's deathbed, the moment of reconciliation between us made me less scared to lose him. But forgiveness requires hope: believing that a better place exists, that the aching emptiness experienced in your every activity won't be with you forever, that one day you'll be excited to make coffee in the morning or go to a movie with friends.
Hope is believing that the sadness can evaporate, that if you try like hell to
move on with your life, your smile won't always be forced. Therefore in order to
forgive and to move past fear, you need to find hope.


12. Love deeply. Again and again.
Once our hearts are bruised and burned from a relationship that ended, we have two options: we can close off pieces of our heart so that one day no one will be able to get inside. Or we can love again. Deeply, just as intensely as we did before. Henri Nouwen urges to love again because the heart only expands with the love we are able to pour forth. He writes: The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.

Reference:
http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2009/01/12-ways-to-mend-a-broken-heart.html



Shared With You In Mind,

Linda Mose Meadows, Author
The Blessedness of Believing
A Devotional Journey of Life's Lessons and God's Promises

Monday, February 16, 2009

THE ANATOMY OF A CHAMPION



Let your roots grow down into him and
draw up nourishment from him,
so you will grow in faith,
strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught.
Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all he has done.
Colossians 2:7
(New Living Translation)


I really didn’t know much about Laila Ali until yesterday. Yes, she is a stellar boxer and former contender on Dancing With the Stars; but admittedly my knowledge base was minuscule! Yes, I understood that she was the daughter of the great American boxer and former three-time World Heavyweight Champion, Muhammad Ali and daughter of Veronica Porsche Ali. But that’s as far as it went. I certainly wouldn’t have won any trivia questions contest had someone quizzed me further about her being an entrepreneur, world champion boxer, inspirational author, impassioned lecturer, devoted mother, sports enthusiast and philanthropists. Yes, I would have drawn a blank. And by the way it appears that she doesn’t mix words. The way it comes out is the way that it is- I learned that also. There are no excuses and no apologies about her passionate beliefs. God would have it that I’d have the opportunity to view Daddy’s Girl and thus be introduced to an outsatnding citizen! http://www.tvoneonline.com/shows/show.asp?sid=741&id=1623

God had something great in store for me in being able to view Daddy's Girl several afternoon's ago. As a result of my being home with a bad flu, I found myself doing something I seldom do and that’s watch television for more an a couple of hours during one given time. TV One aired: Daddy’s Girl. When the commercials showed Soweto, South Africa and Laila speaking to some enthusiastic young fans I was hooked. I was delighted that I had not channel surfed and missed this program opportunity. Daddy’s Girl did a formidable job taking the viewer on a journey of Ms. Ali’s interest with young people and her boxing career leading up to the Johannesburg triumph over Gwendolyn O'Neil.

The documentary peaked my curiosity when Laila stood standing confidently, not arrogantly but visibly assured that she had a word to share, with this particular audience of young woman. She too had sat where these “detainees” now sat- in this particular California juvenile detention center. Laila jokingly informed them that they could not beat her and knew somebody wanted to try. She began to share her story regarding her rebellious youthful years and the consequences of several of those mistaken choices. But obviously the story didn’t end there. What many of them were now encountering being locked up and determined to do things their way was a choice she asked them to reconsider. But God had a plan for them whether they understood it or not! His voice and instructions would be delivered through the no hold bars conversation that Laila would conduct with them. Her testimony would be further revealed in each of the books presented to them entitled: Reach! Finding Strength, Spirit, and Personal Power by Laila Ali.




I was surprised to learn that as a young woman she decided to make some choices that landed her in a juvenile correctional facility. But i dare say that that probably was an important part of her journey on the divine path needed in turning Laila's life in a more positive direction. Everybody has their story!

What was in her?

What was the essence which led to her becoming a woman with vision, gumption and conviction?


Well, she is her daddy’s child? I believe that the Holy Ghost wants us to reconsider what the anatomy of a champion really is? Wouldn't you agree that we have a spiritual and physical DNA?


We are God's very own.


Understand, therefore, that the LORD your God is indeed God.

He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant

for a thousand generations and

constantly loves those who love him and obey his commands.
Deuteronomy 7:9


Laila dazzled the boxing world, but that’s not the sum total of who she is and what she represents. She’s conveyed to not only young women, but the world that it’s ok to have beauty, brains and be athletic also. She’s created academic scholarships and sports foundations for young athletes. Visit her website to learn more about her endeavors.: http://www.lailaali.com/index.cfm/pk/content/pid/400397


She’s an amazing human being that loves a challenge and is unafraid to speak her mind, indeed her stamina transcends the boxing arena – her heart can handle adversity. Her character trait of guts, courage, and nerve -mirrors closely Muhammad Ali’s. There’s a genuine veneer that can’t be hidden. Coinsidence that she is a champion’s daughter? No sir! She has masterfully broken down barriers in the the boxing arena which have resulted in her being a champion in life. laila is an example of how God gives us the strength and the abilities to think and act on our belief-to overcome and be victorious.

Thank you Laila for being a shining example of what a champion looks like in and out of the ring! She not only followed in her father’s footsteps as being a world fighting champion, but carved out an inspirational direction for others. It was said in the documentary by her Cut Doctor, “That when we see you, we see your Dad.”


I believe that God is speaking to us and asking us to ponder these questions as we represent the best of our Heavenly Father :
When others see us, will they know what we are made of? They may see our natural parents imperfections, but is there evidence of our spiritual DNA?
Can the world see indicators of God’s truth, wisdom and knowledge evidenced in our lives?

Can they see that we too are fighters, and contenders of our faith?

Is it evident that we are trailblazers, setting a standard for righteousness, holiness?

Are we vanguards, forerunners for the meek and ordinary in this world? What causes are we champions of?

I am extremely appreciative of how God allowed me time to witness Daddy's Girl. Ms. Ali’s talents, her appeal to young persons, and her charisma has propeled her to the forefront. I think it's clear that Laila wears the beauty of holiness well, and won’t ever cower in a corner. God has given her the desires of her heart and I am delighted to know that what has been divinely placed in her; has also been placed in you and me. Thank you Holy Spirit for relaying that in each of us is a spirit with the anatomy of a champion. God bless you Laila!
Submitted by:
Linda Mose Meadows, Author
The Blessedness of Believing
A Devotional Journey of Life's Lessons and God's Promises

Inspirational Author & Columnist, Linda Mose Meadows

Inspirational Author & Columnist, Linda Mose Meadows
Rickey and Linda Meadows

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